Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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