Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
