just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
