we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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