i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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