Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
