She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
