im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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