He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
