my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
