Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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