rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
