you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
