I feel great
I just peed on a car
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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