she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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