Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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