Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
