you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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