did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
