Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
