watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
