my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
