So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
