member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
