My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
