All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i believe in u and ur pee
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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