he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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