Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
