Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
