You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We need to get me chipped asap
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
