I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
