I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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