i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
