There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i've created a new STD.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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