Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
