Me too!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
