we made out on top of his cat.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
