i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
