I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
