dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
