i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
