had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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