sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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