My sheets look like a crime scene.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
