Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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