last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
