I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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