i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
