Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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