Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
