okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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